Got Milk?

Nope, not anymore!!! LOL This milk factory is now closed for good!

Well I finally didit! I have finally stuck my chest out (no pun intended), stood up tall and said “no”!! Ninny boy is finally done breastfeeding after 1,196 days! Yes 3 years and 3 months, 3 long eventful years I breastfed the last kid. Now I don’t want you to think that I am complaining about my journey by far but I want you to see this for what it truly is…I have my body back!!

My decision to breastfeed this kid longer than two years was not a choice but more of a plea bargain to take house arrest to get out of a jail sentence. When you are faced with challenges you have to adjust accordingly and that is what I did. Due to my families living situation at the time and everyone being in close living quarters I decided not to send everyone through the pain of a stubborn kid being deprived of his comforter at night. AND I like my sleep, I don’t know about y’all. When I am knocked out sleep you could probably borrow my car for the night if you keep bugging me and I just want to go back to sleep…it’s that serious. I am not a fan of sleep deprivation.

Now let me say this, the kid could go all day in daycare without ninny milk from the time he was 1 year old. I refused to pump with him and I just allowed my body to naturally produce around our feeding schedules which were in the morning and at night and all other times I was in his presence on the weekends.

When he began cutting teeth at 3 1/2 months…and no that was not a typo, my fifth child cut his first TWO teeth at 3 1/2 months old…I thought I was going to die!! No worries of biting though because one good clean pluck of the cheek taught him to never bite down again but I was more worried about him just pulling aggressively when latching.

Needless to say I never got mastitis like I did with my 8 year old. Instead I was faced with a titty boy. He could smell me if I was in the house he had it so bad… he would stop at nothing to get the ninny, keep getting the ninny and would not give up the ninny without a fight! Once he began walking and talking I really thought we were well on our way to him wheening himself off the ninny like my 8 year old did but nope. What I got then was a 1 year old waddling over to me, pulling on my shirt tail like “mommy, I want ninny” after he finished eating his steak and potatoes. LOL

Regardless of what I say about the issue, it was all for a good cause and the mission was completed successfully. And now after three long years I can sit back and sip on my wine – yes wine because my hard liquor days might be over – and enjoy all things just fine! So stayed tuned as this gal goes on a hunt for the perfect wine for me…I have been there and done that with the Hennessy, Vodka, Rum and others liquors alike so now it’s time for me to mature my taste into the wines!! Stay tuned…


The Heartbeat of a Nightmare

Is it crazy to wake up from a nightmare and have an attitude?

I know most times we wake up and we are happy to see that the nightmare was not real. But honestly, just to be real for a second and don’t judge me but there have been a few times that I had a nightmare about my boyfriend doing something crazy in my dream. The ones that really spark my attitude are the ones that seems so real and scenarios are so believable that it BETTER be a nightmare or it’s doing down!! LOL

My kids are funny with their nightmares but my 6 year old in particular. He fights everybody in his sleep! Sometimes I have to get up out of my bed just to check to make sure he really isn’t trying to carry out his nightmares because my 8 year old may start talking back to him, mind you they are both sleep talkers! I remember waking him up one time and his eyes were bloodshot red with anger. Trust me, that was my last time doing that…now if I hear him I will just yell “Jibril, it’s just a dream. Calm down, you’re dreaming” and funny thing is he will stop until the next time.

A nightmare can just alter my entire sleep schedule if I am dreaming about insects, rodents or reptiles. My 8 year old is a reptile lover and I mean he has it bad. Although I am overcoming my fear of snakes slowly, very, very slowly I don’t find myself having as many nightmares about them after I have seen one on TV or when we go to the local reptile shows. That is a work in progress for me but progress is still being made in that area. I cannot recall the last time I had a nightmare about a reptile though.

Presently my 3 year old seems to be my walking, talking, breathing nightmare. LOL I love this kid to death and he is the youngest of 5 but please understand me clearly when I say I was set up. My daughter has spoiled this kid from day one! I had my son when my daughter was 15. Yeah big gap, I know. Sure I had a part in his rottenness too, come on he is the last Mohikan…but really she spoiled him better than I ever could have. But hold on, that’s not even the nightmare of it all…the kicker is that she is going to the Army in 17 days and leaving this little thing here with me to torture me as she has trained him to do.  Don’t get me wrong, he is a very lovable, adorable, talkative, charismatic, bright, funny and smart but he is hellbent on getting his way and I am too old…I can’t win with him. So welcome to my daily nightmare. Oh yeah and he doesn’t like waking up in the morning…since he seems to have a 3rd shift job that I don’t know about, he prefers to get up after 12 noon whenever possible, and I work a 9 to 5 AND he goes to daycare!! Just imagine how my mornings are going to go. I think I will just have to get him his dog that he has been asking for within 17 days so we can be friends because that kind of nightmare I am not ready for 24/7. Did I mention that this kid has no fear? LOL H-E-L-P


The funny thing about life is that it’s unpredictable. With all the planning, arranging, forecasting we attempt you still cannot be promised of the outcome because we are not in control. I have learned to deal with life’s challenges as best I can but I say that with heavy words. I am a Taurus so it’s not easy for me. I can say anything just the way it is but extremely difficult not to forget my own advice and words in time.

My own life has been quite challenging. Many self-inflicted wounds have been produced only to recast themselves later in life with life altering obstacles. I have many faults and recognizing them has been monumental to preparing for facing every defiance, however I too can be blinded by my own stubbornness. I am a work in progress.

Throughout my relationships with friends, family, men and strangers I have learned a lot. Not everyone is there for a lifetime but some can be introduced into your life for a season or two. Hanging on to people that are there to teach you a life lesson can hinder the progression in the lesson itself. I think I have the letting go part mastered unfortunately…that’s easy to do when stubbornness is always a piece of work.

When a life storm comes through, I ride the waves. Sure I may feel like it’s too much, I cannot handle it or I may even feel like I want to run away from the storm and go somewhere sunny and bright. I’ve done that already. As a teen runaway I lived that life and suffered tremendously later. When I know that I am headed for a life storm now I make sure I have a steady umbrella to cover me from the all the crap that will come my way.




From Cyndi to Bob

I remember when I first decided to loc my hair. I had been through a series of bad hair styles that took a toll on me and my roots. From naturally thick hair twisted in ponytails as a little girl to processed short hair mimicking Cyndi Lauper as a teen, I was so indecisive and confused about my hair and who I was. I had seen many people with dreadlocks, some I recognized where dreads and others I did not.

I always had this misconception of dreadlocks…I was so focused on them being permanent and I had commitment issues. I didn’t want to feel like it was a hair sentence if I were decide to lock my hair. Although I liked how they looked on some, I wasn’t fond of the free-formed dreadlocks like Bob Marley’s.

In 2007 I was pregnant with my third child and it was only then that it clicked…I need to go natural. That was a journey within itself. I went to the salon to get quick weaves and my hair actually grew really quickly with all the hormones and extra vitamins from the pregnancy. Once my hair was long enough I began wearing sew-ins. But then that became daunting so when my hair was a decent length I began wearing my own freely.

Things were cool but I was still misled and confused because I would get rid of the slightest curl, nap or frizz in my hair. I would flat iron my hair more than necessary. I had to have that straight look, you know. Then came my infamous hair dye on top of the heat damage and my hair had just had enough!

My hair at the crown began breaking off and it was too late to stop it. I had to do something and it had to be drastic because I was tired. By then I was a single mother of 4 and my boyfriend’s family were all Rastas…I do not know if that helped me in my decision process but I do know that they showed me the versatility I was looking for that I never realized existed with dreadlocks.

My journey began with the awkward phase of the 1″ length and I struggled. I went out and bought different hats, beanies, and tams…thinking this would help me along with my comfort level. I look back on those days and laugh because now my dreadlocks are to the middle of my back and I long for those 1″ days back.

I now know through trial, error and reading what to do and what not to do with my locs, what to put and what not to put in my locs, and most importantly my locs are not for everyone else.

My loc journey has been for myself and I have learned a lot about myself along the way. Even when my mom didn’t understand it or would express her apprehension in the beginning, I did not budge.

I had a friend ask me recently why don’t I get my hair re-twisted as often as everyone else and I was a little confused. She told me that I was the only one that she knew that wore my hair “like this”. What she meant by that is that I am not into re-twisting and having someone pull on my nice, healthy locs every week, 2 weeks or 3. Instead I get the re-twisted when I feel like it…my hair is thick and as soon as that shampoo is lathered real good here comes the frizz and I am okay with that. I have embraced my locs…my loc journey was for me to get to know me and not for anyone else to perceive me a certain way, I was there already the first confusing part of my life.

Oh and just for the record, I may not get my hair re-twisted every day but I promise if you stand behind me every day you will get a whiff of freshness. It takes too much to keep a fresh re-twist…I cannot go a week without washing my hair, sorry! LOL But that’s me and my journey of locking my hair and I have loved it…the never ending journey is what I consider it because I am always learning about ME! And only now can I appreciate the Bob Marleys, Omar Perrys, and Erykah Badhus.